Tanzania

Well, here I am at the tail end of 20 awesome days in Tanzania, about to set off for Zambia. Safari nerd excitement! It's a long read…

Serengeti

 

I completed a 12 day safari with my driver, Lyimo. Starting and ending in Arusha, we covered Tarangire National Park, Lake Natron, north and central Serengeti, Ngorongoro Crater and Lake Manyara. No stomach upsets that a little loperamide didn't fix!

Lake Manyara Park

What to say about Arusha? Perhaps, if one is looking for a husband, any husband, this is a good place to be. On my first day there, I went for a little walk from my hotel to the city centre, since Arusha is by far the safest (looking) and cleanest city I've been in, in Africa. At the end of the block from my hotel, there was a group of nice young men looking to make friends. One of them was so nice that he followed me for a block, no matter how much I ignored him. He left off when one of his buddies shouted "She is resident" and laughed.

Lake Manyara Park

At the city centre there were many more nice men who told me I was a pretty lady, had nice shoes, a nice shirt etc. Only one, dressed up as a Maasai, followed me around for awhile, berating me for not being nice enough. On the very brisk and invigorating walk back to my hotel, I was whistled at, cut off by a motorcycle by another nice man wanting to meet me (who then followed me on his bike for awhile), heard 'ts ts ts', was honked at by every car that passed while I waited to cross the road, and almost got hit by a minibus when the driver tried to come in for a better look. Very friendly, Arusha is. Thankfully, Lyimo had driven me around earlier in the day to run errands, so I didn't need to try to accomplish anything in particular.

In the Ngorongoro Crater

I asked Lyimo about the 'ts ts ts' noise. He just leaned over the steering wheel, giggling, and said 'Oh, those silly, silly boys!'. I also asked if those men were pests for their own entertainment or if they thought they were actually going to get somewhere with a woman by ts-ing at her and following her. He said that they thought it might actually work, because it sometimes does work! He knows people personally for whom it did work (with old rich white women)! Yeesh! Talk about feeding the bears.

In the crater

It was to become a recurring theme for us, all these old white ladies and their younger men. And before you ask, the young men are expecting to get at least one land cruiser out of the deal (ie. a source of income). Later on in our trip, Lyimo was asked if I was Lyimo's land cruiser, and another man (who already earned a land cruiser in this fashion) asked Lyimo if he could come and chat me up. Lyimo was all like, I didn't know what to say and I was all like, You always say no, Lyimo! And then I slapped him. But only in my head.

Sunrise on the Serengeti, still not my favorite time of day

He also taught me how to say 'I am not a land cruiser, I have no money' in Swahili. 'Mimi sio Land Cruiser. Sina pesa.' Have not yet had a chance to test it out. I'll let you know.

Serengeti

*ASIDE* how in hell do you sit with your feet on a railing while wearing a muumuu and not flash the neighborhood? Now I remember why I wear pants all the time.

I love gnu, except when they are gnu around my tent at night!

So, Lyimo kicked off our trip by telling me a rather off color story, which I will not reproduce here, but it did prove that he was a man after my own heart. There was nothing that he wouldn't talk about. Nuff said.

This was plan A for getting to central Serengeti. We chose to go the long way

It was a grueling trip. I think I have never been so happy as when we were in scorching heat, no A/C, on rough dirt roads for 10 hours a day. At night, when we got to camp, my wash cloth would be brown after wiping all the dust from my face and my brush would get stuck in my hair because it was so matted. Two words: nose mud. The only way it would have been better is if we had some walking safaris.

Lake Natron

Peaks of the rift valley, Lake Natron

 

We did have one breakdown and Lyimo had an awful night trying to get our rear axle fixed. Luckily, he managed to fix the truck enough to get us (me) to our next camp, in a very remote area. He wound up hauling the axle on the back of a motorcycle taxi for 3 solid hours, on bumpy dirt roads, At night. Overnight in a village, no food, fixed axle, came back in a land cruiser taxi the next afternoon. Dirty, tired and hungry but still smiling. What a guy!

 

At Lake Natron I went for a 'hike' to see some waterfalls. The hike was more of a bouldering/ rock climbing event. I tried not to think of my insurance (which does not cover accidents relating to rock climbing), then decided not to worry, because for sure I would be dead if I fell, so hakuna mattata re: insurance.

The falls at Lake Natron, sans nekkid persons

 

The hike

More hiking

Some falls on the way to 'the falls'

Lyimo failed to tell me that people took their clothes off at the waterfalls. My guide and I came back to the truck when one of the other Maasai guides stripped down to his tighty whities and the Europeans showed up and started stripping down as well. Definitely falls under the category of things I don't want to see (or at least, be seen seeing). Anyhow…

Another crater. Lyimo said he almost drove into it one night ((not my safari)

 

For two of our nights in the Serengeti, our tents were surrounded by a herd of gnu and fighting zebra stallions. Not much sleep to be had those nights. Lyimo still convinced me to do a pre-dawn drive. I managed not to be one of the 'danger animals' he was always warning me about.

Tarangire, baobab tree, partially gnawed by elephants

 

Sausage tree, they're bigger in person…

After the game drive, I spent a couple days in Stone Town in Zanzibar. The hotel had A/C and Indian style breakfast with chapatis, falafel, hummus and other good carby things. More harassing and near death experiences with oncoming minibuses. Got served some raw meat balls. Stuck with the solid meats after that.

Tarangire

I'm now at a resort in Jambiani (also on Zanzibar island) and it is very quiet, in a good way. Tried the whole tanning thing on the second day here, and have spent the remainder of the time hiding in the shade, smearing Ozonol on my poor skin and reading. Can't complain too much. I haven't had much time or energy for reading until now and I've gotten through a number of very good books (listed at the very end, for those who may be interested).

Serengeti, Lyimo asked what the hell I was taking a picture of

Rim of the Ngorongoro Crater, not 'no-go-ron-go' as per Lyimo

I bought a muumuu-like dress in Stone Town, and I'm very glad for it. Being frumpy, bra-less, shoe-less and gitch-less for several days is a good way to be. N.B. And yes, before you ask, I have forgotten which way I need to turn my underpants next. I'll figure that out when I get to Zambia. Ha ha!

Crazy flock of pelicans over Lake Manyara

*ASIDE* someone in the room below mine has terrifyingly explosive gas! Also, people who fart in a Cessna should be shot with a ball of their own shit.

Ok, so Chris asked for more food descriptions, and in the conflict between an excessively long posting and the threat of Chris saying army sounding things at me, or at least squinching his pate in an aggressive manner, I have chosen appeasement.

Safari foods/ schedule

6:30 am - wake up (5:30 if planning early drive)

7 am - Breakfast: eggs, any style, usually cold or, just, odd, better with pilipili all over it, a sort of mild chili sauce. Wonderbread toast, butter, honey, odd PB. Ham bacon, beef bacon (retch), bacon bacon. Greasy sausage (nuh uh, not doing safari mystery meat). Instant coffee or tea (rarely have I had real coffee, but it is sooo good when I do get it, even with scalded milk). Fresh fruit, usually very good.

7:30 (or 6:30) am - hit the road

Morning snack: no snack

1 pm - Lunch box (for all day game drives, comes in a cardboard box, sitting at the same temperature as everything else in the truck, ie. sweaty to soupy): 1 roast chicken leg in tinfoil, complete with a few pin feathers, if one is inclined to notice such things. Butter or mayo sandwich on wonderbread. Juice box! Banana or orange. Potato something. Maybe vegetables cooked into some dough thing. Digestive cookies. 1 boiled egg. Salt. Mints. Small piece of mars bar! People who say that sugar is a drug are telling the truth, esp when one has not had any chocolate/ candy for over a month. Dopamine (endorphins?), whatever it was some good shit. Gave me a contact high right in my mouth.

For lunch, Lyimo would find a nice flat, barren patch of ground where we watched for lions from all sides and eat at the hood of the truck. Or, if at a picnic spot, we watched the monkeys rob the other tourists of their food. Or, we watched the pink & blue lizards do pushups on the rocks. Or, we were eaten alive by the most aggressive tse tse flies ever. My bum cheek/ ankles/ elbows are so itchy!

Afternoon snack: no snack, or cookies hoarded from lunch box, subsequently forgotten on dash.

5:30 pm - back at camp, hope for hot shower before dinner. Update journal, edit pictures, inspect latest rash/ bug bites. Like, right this minute, I'm pretty sure I have ant bites on two of my knuckles. How does that even happen?!

7:30 pm - Dinner: some kind of vegetable soup. I've had at least 5 versions of pumpkin soup. Some kind of fresh veg, usually a combo of avocado, cukes, tomatoes & onions with vinaigrette. Chicken or fish, chicken or fish. Occasionally pork (and what an occasion!) or cow beef (any red meat could be beef). Potatoes/ white rice/ real yams, the white kind (gag). Some kind of stewed veg. Given the absolute lack of whole grains, I ate all veg, no matter what it was. Raw onions are not veg, Dad.

Talk to Lyimo until we both crap out.

Dessert: what in God's name…? End up having tea.

Evening snack: no snack

9pm - bedtime, sleep like the dead

Books I Read Real Good!

Running Away To Home - Jennifer Wilson: pretty quick and interesting read about an American family going to live in a remote village in Croatia, very into her mom-ness. Not too many extraneous details.

Eating Animals - Jonathan Safran Foer: no, I am not going to become a vegan…or, am I?

Free Will - Sam Harris: not sure that I really 'got it'. Apparently we have no free will, but are still supposed to act morally? Short and impenetrable. Lots of long quotes from other scientist types/ papers. Maybe an aggregation of quotes in book format?

Wild - Cheryl Strayed: great, great book, regardless of the fact that it is also an Oprah book. Essentially, this woman had a melt down and went hiking by herself for 100 days. All her revelations therefrom. (plus, Oprah highlights and comments! Squee!).

Let's Pretend This Never Happened - Jenny Lawson: very funny non-fiction about this woman's crazy childhood. Snorted through the whole thing. Three words: squirrel carcass hand-puppet.

Forever War -Joe Haldeman: really good scifi, also an easy read. Not an epic.

Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad: seemed apropos, not as good as I remembered, also I think old Joe may never have been to Africa. It is never quiet in the jungle. Also, also, if the symbolism of a book is clear enough that I get it, it is too heavy handed.

Bright Sided - Barbara Ehrenreich: my favorite non-fiction author. Interesting analysis of the relentless optimism of Americans, and the consequences therefrom.

How To Be A Woman - Caitlin Moran: supposed to be 'new feminist' non-fiction. Mostly just funny and dirty things the author likes to say.

How To Live: A Life of Montaigne - Sarah Bakewell: I made it through finally! Montaigne is my kind of philosopher. This book has almost enticed me to read Montaigne's actual essays, almost…

Buddhism: The Essentials - David Tuffley: concise.

 

Uganda

Heavy sigh, heavy heavy sigh. Uganda disappointed in the extreme.

Let us start at the beginning.

The Drive From The Airport And The Hotel

• Getting off the airplane was like being smothered with a hot, wet blanket. Outside the airport, there were fuzzy things a floating around everywhere. No wait! It was millions of huge white flies!
• There is a one lane road from Entebbe to Kampala. It was completely jammed. Completely.
• In order to expedite the process, my driver drove down the shoulder and down the middle of the road into oncoming traffic (at an insane speed) and then cut people off to get back into the correct lane. No street lights. Often no headlights. Two hours of this. I was pretty wound up by the time we got to the hotel. The speedometer didn't budge from zero.
• Hotel - grotty little converted plantation house. Room was very damp (ie. the sheets felt damp). Some kind of leak in the washroom, which I found by stepping in whatever it was.

The Kibale Forest and Bigodi Swamp

• It was a 7 hour drive from Kampala to Kibale. Same driver. You can imagine how the drive went. My hand hurt from gripping the door handle. Also, we stopped for a short call (pee break) and I think his poor little pecker wasn't the same after that, the way he tormented it so.
• Stayed at a nice enough tented camp, very private rooms. About 7.5 minutes of walking through the jungle to get to the main house. I'd talk more about the food, but unless I eat at a restaurant all of the places serve very western type food, so it's tastey but not really interesting.
• The washroom was not part of the tent, but was attached in the back. One night, I turned on the outdoor light and ran the shower to get hot water. Waited inside the tent. After a few minutes, heard this loud 'thwap thwap' against the tent. Poked my little eyeball out the tent flap. Holy crap! It was a black moth the size of my palm! Got brave enough to reach my hand out to turn off the light and left the water running until I was sure the moth was gone. Scurried out to turn the water off and ran back inside the tent. No shower that night! That was awesome, especially after a day of humidity and fear sweat.
• The following day, in the Kibale forest - After four hours of tramping up and down Ugandan hills and through jungle to see chimps, I kind of wonder what I was thinking. That was a serious amount of sweating (ie. I drank 3L of liquid during the day with no tire checks) to see an animal that I find disgusting. Not fun.
• The walk around the Bigodi swamp was literally around the circumference of the swamp. Saw a few monkeys. Saw many many plantations and small farms. That was about it. The guide picked his nose while talking to me, and not just scratching an itch either. Also, in order to show me the direction of the monkeys, instead of pointing, he grabbed me under my arm. All I can say is, at that point my armpit didn't even want to be in my armpit, so I'm not sure why his hand needed to be there.

Queen Elizabeth Park

• Stayed at a lodge with some nice cottages. The area is a little hotter and drier than the Kibale Forest. Not much for game.
• One night, driving back to the lodge, my driver put on his hazards and drove at least 130km/hr on a single lane highway. Fast enough that he couldn't make the corners without going into the other lane. In the dark. With adults, children, livestock and wild animals on the shoulders. No headlights for us. No headlights on the oncoming vehicles.
• The next day I told him he needed to moderate his driving and he ignored me.

Rwenzori mountains

Salt mines

Pretty much all the scenery looked like this in the Kibale forest

Well, one good thing about Uganda is that I survived and left.

 

Sawa sawa? Sawa sawa! Tuende! Next stop Tanzania.

 

Kenya - Il Ngwesi/ Lewa Downs

Barf your heart out little muffin! Barf it!

As I sit here on my balcony, with the most amazing view for everything, I have a number of thoughts:

The view from my room

1. If you birds crap on my hat, I am going to be very cross!
2. Better than any medication, there is a sure-fire way to stop feeling nauseous. Can you guess what it is? You could at least try to guess!
3. If oral rehydration salts need to be salty, they should taste like beef, not salty, watered down bubblegum.
4. I think I may have goat pox. *UPDATE* I no longer think I have goat pox, as at time of posting.

So, it took us 3 hours to drive 30km from the little regional airport to the lodge. Our Cessna landed on a gravel runway, which was… exciting. The 'rooms' here are interesting, in that they are essentially partially covered balconies. My first thought was that a slightly motivated leopard could easily get into the room (and very motivated monkeys did, to raid my suitcase). I did not feel better when I heard a leopard during the night, not far away.

The shower - I don't think I have ever felt like such a terrified monkey as when I was using this

Apparently, 'Prince and Kate' have stayed here three times. I can understand the appeal, since it is very private. At the same time, I kind of wonder how they manage having an open air bathroom attached to their open air bedroom. Perhaps royalty does it differently? There was a couple here on honeymoon. Is there anything less romantic than listening to ones spouse doing the do, or getting the stomach flu?

After a day of being very sick, and a day of being very weak the waiter and chef were getting very distressed that I wouldn't finish my meals. I was feeling better on my final day when I was finally able to finish my lunch (about a third less food than what they gave to the other guests). The waiter, chef and my driver had a little celebration at my table and I got hugs from all.

One night we had a 'village walk' which was a little goofy, and not worth the $60 that I was later told I needed to pay. They also slaughtered a goat for the village while we were there and a portion was roasted for our dinner. I did not want to induce further barfing, so I abstained.

Don't know if I would come back to this place. It's very lovely in its own way, but I never really felt comfortable in the rooms. Some part of me needs any kind of wall between me and the elements. Also, there is nothing really special to the area (except extreme privacy).

Some goofy looking geranuks (sp?)

Le hut

The view from the bed

The view from the loo

 

Kenya - Maasai Mara

Hey there,

 

I spent 5 days on the Mara and saw everything that people come here to see (ie. the big 5 and the crossing) and got to relax for a few days at a nice tented camp. In my previous post I mentioned a marriage proposal. Suffice to say that there was a lesson there to tell absolutely everyone I'm married should they ask. Nothing terrible happened, but it's pretty easy to see how it could. Anyway, not really in the mood to write a whole bunch, although there were some fun stories etc. Today's post is all about the pics.

When in doubt… gnu

 

Not dead, having a good scratch

 

 

This was me for three days at Entim Mara

 

A line of gnu running as far as we could see, and they had no idea why they were running

 

The crossing - part 1

The crossing - part 2

 

The crossing - part 3

 

The crossing - finale

 

Sunrise - not exactly my favorite time of day